Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries without them, humanity cannot survive – Dalai Lama
You are lovely and worthy of being loved by someone every single day. You, yes You! I am talking to you. But why don’t you feel it right now? Perhaps it’s because you don’t feel worthy? Maybe aren’t able to see how amazing you are right now?
Let’s work on that.
Have you ever thought that taking care of yourself first is selfish? We hear a lot we should help others first and not put our own needs second. If you do put your own needs above those of others then you may be labelled as being selfish and unkind.
You are expected to be kind, loving and compassionate towards others, but why not towards yourself?
You find yourself listening to that little voice inside criticising what you have said or done, belittling yourself or judging yourself.
You are harsh on yourself and often find that you would never say what you say to yourself to someone else. So, why not be kind to yourself, loving towards yourself and have compassion for yourself?
What if you treated yourself as if you were someone else? Be nice. Say kind things like, “don’t worry, you will do better next time” rather than “you are a failure” when something doesn’t work out.
If you’re not able to be kind, compassionate and loving towards yourself, then who will be? People are led by example. If you’re willing to tolerate belittling talk or self-criticism (or self-gossip* as I like to call it), then you’re showing others that it is acceptable for you to be treated in that way.
You are lovely and you don’t deserve to be treated unkindly, especially by your own self.
How are kind to yourself? How do you look after yourself and practise self-care? Self-care is doing little things that bring you joy, its moments, rather than big events. Here are a few suggestions:
- Go cloud watching: lie on your back, feel the grass beneath you and just enjoy the clouds float by. For those of you who live in sunny parts, lie under a tree and watch the sky through the leaves.
- Do something for you: do one thing today just because it makes you happy.
- Switch off for an hour: turn all your devices to airplane mode and free yourself from the constant interruptions of social media and email.
- Be present: be where you are right now, not thinking of the future or judging the past, just be in the moment and enjoy what you are busy with right now.
- Eat well: prepare and eat three healthy meals a day, avoiding sugar fixes.
- Be aware of self-gossip: identify negative self-talk and changing it to positive.
- Sing and dance: sing along to the song you hear on the radio, move your body too.
- Gratitude: write down three things that you are grateful for every day, three different things.
- Stretch: stretch like a starfish before you get out of bed in the morning.
- Listen to yourself, your intuition (inner voice): do what feels right, don’t judge it.
- Be kind to yourself: do not judge yourself but rather be kind and patient with yourself.
By practising self-care, self-love, self-compassion and kindness you are opening your wings to possibilities and allowing yourself to FLY (First Love Yourself).
You owe it to yourself as you deserve to be loved every day, by you.
In caring for yourself, you are indirectly caring for others. You are enabling yourself to be the best version of yourself so that others can enjoy who you are. No one else can be you.
If you currently find it a difficult concept to care for yourself, then do it for those around you at first. Do it for them, because they deserve the best version of you (as do you!).
* Self-gossip is a term used for the negative critical voice inside your head. It is a critical voice that belittles your thoughts and actions, it beats you up for a decision you have made, it is harsh and unforgiving. Self-gossip or self-skinner (as the South African’s would say) is neither helpful to us or to others. It attacks your confidence and self-esteem. Next time you find yourself skinnering about yourself, stop, and ask yourself what would you say to your dearest friend.
P.S: Come and learn to spread your wings. If you are having trouble putting your own needs first and would like some help to create your own doable self-care plan, unique to you. I may be able to help. Take a look here.