Noticing that my clothes seemed to have shrunk in the wash and confessing to my partner that I have been eating copious amounts sweet things.
It was a bit of a surprise as I am ‘normally’ someone who avoids refined sugar. I am known for my healthy baking habits to cater for my sweet tooth.
It was on the 3rd box of the most delicious chocolate dipped shortbread, that I realised that I was eating to block my emotions.
I realised as I was reaching for the next biscuit that, I wasn’t hungry, and it was sadness that I was feeling. Despite the awareness of the emotion, I still chose to eat the biscuit.
Being consciously aware of my instinctive ability to supress or numb my emotions with sugar has been helpful.
What you do to numb your emotions? Do you eat? Exercise excessively? Work? Drink? Smoke? Watch mind-numbing TV? Listen to music?
My escapism is not limited to eating. So, you may find that you have more than one form too.
Since openly acknowledging my eating habits, I have become more aware of what I put into my mouth and why I am eating.
Are you able to notice, without judgement, what you choose to do?
I’ve not stopped eating refined sugar, but it is significantly less. When uncomfortable emotions arise, I more open to acknowledging them. But I am not always brave enough to feel them.
It’s a process. Understanding that you need to allow yourself time and compassion, without judgement, to feel the uncomfortable emotions that come up.
Sometimes, you need an ugly cry or just to sit with the sadness or to have the outburst of rage.
Where did you learn that you have to hide what you feel or to judge it as being bad?
Is it working for you? How does supressing your full human experience by judging emotions that arise make you a better person?
By limiting your experience to only feel-good or ‘acceptable’ emotions you are missing out on your full human experience.
You are allowed to feel. Feel everything. The joy. The sadness. The anger. The jealousy.
Despite what you have been taught, there is no wrong emotion. It is your own private message. Sometimes you feel comfortable enough to share it with others.
Are you willing to be fully human?
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